Exercising Style: Footnotes

A man fell[1].

He was embarrassed[2].

He tried to recover[3].

_________________________
1.This happened in Astronomy class on Tuesday. The man looked like a cartoon character. He had bucked-teeth and wore a bright green polo shirt. He walked down from the top row of seats to hand in his homework to the professor. He walked past me on my left side. As he descended the last row of steps he caught his heel and fell forwards.

2.He was embarrassed because his friends made fun of him, laughing as he fell. When he turned around to ascend the stairs, his face was bright red.

3.When he ascended the stairs back to his seat, he jogged up the full set of stairs without falling. As he passed over the step he had tripped on, he yelled to his friends, “Yeah, that was funny.”

Exercising Style: Bostonian

So I’m sittin heeyah, sittin in Astrawnamy. And dis dood, dis dood comes awn down the stayahs. He was wearin a real nice polo, tho, real nice bright green, with some light blue jeans. The only thing missin was his work boots and his chain. Anyways, so he’s bringin da homewhak down to Professah Gahvey and dis dood trips on da last stayah. An I’m sittin theyah thinkina myself, what a doofus. Howsee gonna do sumin like dis in public. Shaw enuff his friendsa laughin an rifley soo. Who was this dood thinking he was?

And now da guy turns around and he’s bright red. Da only good thingabout dis was dat it reminded me a da Sawks. And lemme tell you, no moah Jason Bay, thank Gawd. How the hella we gonna have a Canook ona team in da first place? Now dat hes gawn, weyah gonna win it all dis ye-ah. Oh yeah, and den dis kid runs up the stayahs like hes in da Bawstin Marathawn a sumthin and yells ta his buddies, “yeah, dat was funny.”

Exercising Style: Sports Reporting

Worcester, MA – It was a story of embarrassment at Smith Hall 545 on Tuesday afternoon.

A young man, wearing a bright green polo, fell just as he reached the last step towards a clinching handoff with Professor Garvey.

This buck-toothed young fellow had been averaging a perfect 1.000 percent in handoffs on the year. It is a rather premature end for a season that had so much promise.

He descended the first pair of steps perfectly, his homework still in tow.

Next he had a few feet of flat carpet to maneuver through and he managed to do so, showing no signs of weakness.

But then he hit the final pair of steps. As he passed the first step, everything appeared fine, but at the last second his right heel caught the final step and he fell forward.

The power of sports: dreams can be made or can be shattered in an instant.

In a rather surprising turn of events, his supporters turned on him at the moment of failure, laughing and mocking his failed attempt to turn in the homework.

Then, as he jogged back up to his seat, he shot right back at his fans, proclaiming, “Yeah, that was funny.”

A rift between star player and fans this early in the season has almost always been a recipe for failure in the past.

It will be interesting to see if the two sides can come to some sort of an understanding soon, or if a change will need to be made.

Ryan O’Hanlon is a staff reporter for Exercising Style. He can be reached at his email address rwohanlon@exercisingstyle.com.

Exercising Syle: Hesitation

These last three posts have been styles taken directly from Queneau’s book. His are all infinitely better than mine, but I figured it worth a try. After this post, I’m going to start adding in some of my own styles along with his. Enjoy.

I’m not sure where I was when this happened…Arby’s? On a hay ride? Whale hunting? Or maybe it was in Astronomy class? That could be. A man? Or was it a chicken? Maybe some kind of chicken-man? This thing wore a…crossing guard vest? Was he shirtless? He might’ve just had really bright skin. Or could it have been a bright polo shirt? Whatever it was, he walked down the stairs…Did he walk down? He may have been on a bike. I don’t know if he wore a helmet, though. However he made his way down the stairs, he did so planning on handing…Off a football? Maybe he was actually lending a hand? Quite possibly, it may have been his homework that he could have been trying to hand in. Whatever he was handing, he tripped…on the last stair? Or did I trip him? I think I’m a nice person, but could I have done it? No, I think it might have been the stair. Once he tripped, his friends…now what did they do, again? They shot him? No, no, did they throw eggs at him? It’s quite possible that they may have laughed, actually.

When he turned around his face was red…Because he was a clown and he’d just come from the circus? Or was he really hot? That room does get like that sometimes. Or maybe he was embarrassed? The chicken-man with the red face…crawled up the stairs? Or did he drive his car? He was going fast, I think, but maybe he was just running? Not many cars could fit in that class room. He…barked? Yeah he – no actually it might’ve been sign language. Maybe Hebrew? Or it could’ve been English that he made a loud noise in.

Execising Style: Prognostication

You will be sitting in a class about Astronomy on a Tuesday afternoon, minutes after 2 o’clock. You will have handed your homework in and will be waiting for everyone else to do the same. And then a man, a rather funny looking man in a bright green polo shirt with rather protruding front teeth, will attempt to hand his homework in. He will attempt to walk down the last set of steps to the front of the room, but he will fail. And he will fall. He will fall, not only physically, but in the estimation of his friends, who will laugh at this man.

Then this man will turn around. This funny man’s face will be bright red. Not knowing what to do, he will jog up the stairs. And as he jogs up these you will hear him proclaim, to his so-called friends, “Yeah. That was real funny.”

Exercising Syle: Ignorance

Personally I wasn’t really paying attention, but did I see what happened? Quite possibly yes. Did a man walk down to hand in his homework? Obviously someone did, it wasn’t going to just fly itself down there. A cartoonish looking man with bucked teeth and a neon green shirt? I tend not to worry myself with others, but that seems to be an apt description of a man in a neon green shirt and bucked teeth. Trip when he walked down the stairs? That could’ve happened, that last step is rather a nuisance. Did his friends laugh? Considering that sounds quite humorous, I may have even laughed myself for all I know.

And his face was red when he turned around? Oh yes, the mark of embarrassment. Sounds about right to me. He jogged back up the stairs? If he was sporting enough not to injure himself on the fall, maybe he did. And did he say something to his friends? That would be the mark of friendship would it not? And, come to think of it, I’ve had this mark on my backside for a good, long while…

Exercising Style: Bullet points

For this post I’m going to explain the situation the majority of this blog will be based on, using bullet points.

-Professor Garvey’s Intro to Astronomy course
-The College of the Holy Cross, Worcester, Massachusetts
-2 pm
-Classroom with stadium-style seating
-I’m sitting in the third row, closest to the middle aisle
-We’re asked to hand in our homework
-A student from the top row walks down to hand in the homework for everyone in his row
-This student has uneven bucked teeth and he wears a bright green polo shirt
-As he approaches the last step of the center aisle, he trips forwards, keeping his footing
-His friends all laugh
-He hands in his homework
-He turns around, now with a red face, and jogs back up to his seat
-As he jogs up he yells to his friends, “Yeah. That was funny”

Exploring Language and Writing

I’ve decided to start this blog to explore and experiment with the possibilities of the English language. The idea for this blog came from a book that I’m studying for a Creative Writing course: Raymond Queneau’s Exercises in Style. In the book, Queneau describes a relatively normal event — seeing a man on a bus and then later seeing him in a park — but does so in 99 different ways. The book, written in French, uses writing styles ranging from “dreamy” to “biased” to “word game.” Some of the styles are almost completely incomprehensible (at least to me), but the book’s achievement is amazing. It is a true exploration of the possibilities of writing and language and it raises the question of whether or not there is such a thing as unbiased writing.

So, on this blog I am going to attempt to recreate what Queneau did. Using some styles from Queneau’s book along with anything suggested and any ideas I have, I will try to recreate an actual scene in as many ways as possible. I want to see how many different ways language can be taken and find out what is really possible from just 26 letters. I’m no Queneau. I’m just a college senior who wants to write and see where that can take me.

In addition to all the “exercising style” posts, I’ll post whatever I find relevant in regards to writing, language, or anything else I think is worthwhile. I’m a former soccer player, so expect a bunch of obscure references to teams, players, cities and ideas. I’ll apologize for this from the get go, but there’s no way I’m going to be be able to stop myself from the occasional reference to mankind’s greatest achievement.

If you haven’t fallen asleep yet and I haven’t lost you with those last few sentences about soccer, stick around. This could be fun.